The best way to start this entry is to say that I have had quite a bad history with men. I have been in both a physically abusive relationship and a mentally abusive "relationship". Over the two, I would take a physical beating ten times over to that of the mental torture that my second ever serious partner put me through. The person that I went out with who kicked ten bells out of me once or twice was actually the only person Ive ever been out with that I could see myself with forever. Even today, I sometimes wonder how we would get on if we were to go on a date sometime. I wonder if we would still get on, whether now I am older I would be able to approach the relationship in a more adult manner and not throw my dummy out of the pram every time some obstacle stood in my way.

I am now with somebody now who thinks the world of me. This person is perfect. We met shortly after I split up with my ex who was mentally abusive. This relationship compared to that is one of pure heaven and I know that they worship the ground that I walk on. Lately though I am feeling that it may not be enough. I know it is an awful thing to say but after the last relationship I had, it was a breath of fresh air to have someone who was more than physically attracted to me. I had begun to think that something was wrong with me and it is the person that I am with now that made me realise that I deserve to be happy. However, I cant help but feel that the relationship that I am in should have just been a few dates with somebody nice. I probably took it further because I knew that if I did I would never have to worry about money again having had severe money troubles in the past.

I love him to bits. But am I "in love"?
When I look into this persons eyes do I see somebody I want to spend my whole life with?
Do I get the phwoar factor when I look at him?

That is exactly what Im trying to figure out at the moment.