I moved away from my home. I now live with my partner around 2 hours drive from where my family and friends live. Around here, I do not know many folk. I moved to escape the hurt of my last relationship. Although I have said in a previous blog that the only person I have ever been able to see myself with for eternity was my first partner, it is my ex that left me with the scars. Scars that are so deep that even now I do not want to go back home no matter what happens with the relationship that I am in. The thought fills me with dreadof going back and facing that life.
It is because I am still in love with my ex. Some days, I feel strong enough that if he came up to me and begged my forgiveness, I would laugh in his face. However, most times I feel I would get on my knees and thank God that he decided to give me another go. I do not feel it on the outside and I do not have to speak to him at all anymore. It was a triumphant milestone when just a few months ago, I managed to delete him from all instant messaging sites that I use. It doesnt stop me from thinking about him still. He hurt me so deep over the years that I was with him that it still hurts to think about it now. I loved and hated him so much at the same time and I suppose, still do.
They say it can take such a long time to heal. Personally, Im still working on it.
MrLife
Dear feelings........ you sound a lovely but mixed up person ,
never stay in a relationship just to be with someone , it takes two ...to love and to be loved ... i know the fire you have for your ex is still burning a little , but is it really worth it to rekindle it with thoughts of some happy times you may have had , why dont you rethink all the pain and scars they have left you with , the hurts they have caused , never want a relationship that the other cant give that you can ,
a helpful way of ridding your feelings for them is ...write a letter of your time together , put all your hurts ,pains and fears down on paper , write the things you were always maybe afraid to say , add the good things that they will miss out on , things that only you could offer...after you unload your feelings , sit and read it ,unleash the tears , never ever hold them back , you can either blog it or delete it , your choice......but please pour your heart and tears out ....
if you want we can have a chat.
God Bless x